Random Incidents of the Twenty-First Nome
by bandcrazy01
Summary: Just a collection of silly happenings. Amos' point of view.
1. Chapter 1

Number One – Penguins

It was one of those rather long days of nothing happening despite the usual classes. I love being the teacher for research classes, but nothing happens in them except people sleeping, and Cleo and I having rather interesting discussions on Gods and their past choices. Rather dry compared to my teenage years where I would find myself in at least a fight against Julius once.

During my afternoon break, I decided I was going to do a quick check on the other students. So far, I'd only seen a small portion of them for classes, leaving the mansion without adult supervision. With so many kids and being the adult, I had an unnerving feeling that trouble was probably stirring everywhere beyond the library.

I first entered the kitchen and grabbed myself a glass of pineapple juice, then proceeded to the Great Room. To my surprise, only Walt and Felix were there. They noticed me before I even took in that it was just them.

Walt is someone I trust to keep the others in check, so I wasn't about to really take in the environment until I noticed they were both tense. "What's up?" I asked finally after ten seconds of their alarmed eyes set on me.

"Uh," Walt nervously laughed, "we're drawing."

Sure, hence the sudden tension. "Seriously?" I drew interest as I took a step closer. "I think I was five when I stopped drawing for fun. What are you two drawing?"

"Penguins." Felix answered quickly. "Lots of penguins, different colors and everything."

"Can I see?" I asked them now, taking in that their eyes read a definite no.

"Well, we haven't even gotten the paper or pencils out yet." Walt explained.

"Oh, I see." Still silence for a minute. "Mind if I join?"

That's right, the second most powerful magician of the Per Ankh just asked a teenager and a nine-year-old if he could join them in drawing too many penguins. Why can't I? I am technically on my lunch break so I can do whatever I want during this time frame.

That's when Felix suddenly broke down, crying. Alarm towards such a reaction, I turned to Walt for help on figuring out what I did wrong. "Uh," Walt was struggling now. "He just _loves_ penguins so much that it makes him cry when he meets someone who likes them too?"

I was about to question his reply when I spotted a penguin on the coffee table. A penguin with its left foot stuck in a glass container of gorilla glue. Matters worse, I could barely see remnants of an attempted and failed invisibility spell. I sighed and shook my head. "You mind if I fix that?" I pointed to the penguin for Walt to see what I meant.

Both Felix and Walt froze, slowly turning back to the poor penguin. "You mean, you can see that?" Walt wondered out of nervousness.

"Yes, and your attempt to hide it as well." I added.

Once that was clarified, both initiates gave in and let me approach finally. After observing that I couldn't pull the penguin's foot out of the container, I pointed my index and middle right fingers at the glass. Alarmed, Walt and Felix instantly jumped to panic. "What are you doing?" Felix screamed.

"Ha-di." I spoke without second thought, to which the container shattered, releasing the penguin with no harm done other than making a gorilla glue/glass puddle in the middle of the coffee table.

Walt and Felix paused, mouths gapped as they took it in. "Yes?" I finally got annoyed by the looks.

"How did you do that without killing the penguin?" Walt asked now as Felix snatched the bird and went to wipe the residue glue off of it.

I laughed a bit. "Why would I kill a-"

I stopped to their hardened looks. "Wait, have you two seen that spell before?" I wondered.

"Yeah, Sadie makes it turn into almost a nuclear bomb." Walt explained. "And it's her favorite spell."

As you can see, I ended up fuming, pacing the Great Room as Walt watched nervously, Felix returning the bird to where it belongs. "She's not even practiced with Divine Words; I don't care if she hosts Isis. She's going to kill someone if not herself if she keeps this up!"

"Hey Amos?" Felix spoke up after a few minutes. "You still want to draw penguins with us?"

I paused, alarmed to the question. I was already certain that was just an excuse to make me leave; now he was doing it to get me to stop. Even Walt stared at the nine-year-old as he kept an innocent face towards me. "Sure, why not."


	2. Chapter 2

**AzureOtter: Thanks for catching that. I tend to overlook those things until after reading a week later.**

**I don't own the Kane Chronicles. Warning on language, if you don't like it then don't read it.**

Number Two – Catnip

"What the hell is this?" I snapped, holding a bag of some plant that I found sitting on the dining room table.

The kids froze, wondering what it was exactly. Bast finally peered up at me and smirked. "Catnip dear."

"You _brought_ catnip into _my_ Nome?" I scorned as I threw it at her, landing on her lap with interesting grace.

"What do you expect Kane?" Bast purred as she observed the bag. "I'm a cat."

"That's like saying Walt can leave a bag of weed around for anyone to get ahold of," I snarled.

The kids' eyes widened. "_Not_ implying that Walt is a druggy, just an example." I explained for them.

Bast's smile beamed in response. "Catnip isn't like weed, Amos."

"You know, we should empty into the gym." Julian suggested now, gesturing the initiates to leave with him, leaving Bast and I in the Great Room.

"Anyways, thank you for finding it; I was curious where I put it." She now hid it in her Duat locker.

If my ears could steam, they were certainly doing it now. My hands balled up as I told myself it wasn't okay to strike a blow on a woman, Goddess or Cat. "Keep that on the low and I won't bother you again. I figured since you're the Goddess of Family that you would know to keep kids away from that kind of thing."

"Like I _said_, I'm a cat." Her tone started to get irritated. "Now, can I return to my nap?"

"Yeah, whatever." I waved with my right hand out of frustration. "I'm just the Leader of the Twenty-First Nome; ignore me as much as you can."

"I'll try." She added with an amused smile.

I stormed out of the Great Room and entered the veranda to close it up. Once I got outside, I noticed the dining table was no longer there. Instead, a herd of roughly fifty domestic cats took its place, sniffing for something. And a African lion joined the party. "Where the fuck did a _lion_ come from?" I yelled.

That probably wasn't the best idea, for I grabbed the big cat's attention. "You're kidding me, right? I fight Gods for a living and I now face a lion that escaped the zoo. Just perfect."

In reply, Phillip popped his head up from the pool, taking in the absurd amount of cats inhabiting the veranda. In response, he went back to sleeping. Despite the fact that his help would be appreciated, I understood why he didn't find them threatening enough to wake up.

"Watch out Amos!" Alyssa suddenly screamed.

I turned to see her throw a clay bowl at the cats. I was about to scream at her when I spotted another bag of catnip amongst the shattered remains. That appeased the cats, tearing into it and basically proving to be a good distraction from me. "Sorry, I found it a week ago." Alyssa explained. "Wait, is that a lion?"

I rubbed my neck as I took in that I had started to sweat thanks to the zoo escapee. "Yeah." I watched for a few minutes to see they went from eating it to lying like a diseased herd of cats. "Uh, now they're just a bunch of high felines in the veranda."

Bast entered now, rubbing her eyes. "Did I leave a bag of catnip in here?"

I immediately turned to her. "You did five minutes ago, remember?"

She shot me a nervous smile. "Yeah, I remember that."

Then I remembered the bag Alyssa had found and saved my ass with. "How many bags do you have stashed?"

She didn't respond. Instead, she took in the occurring scene. "How did a lion get here?"


	3. Chapter 3

Number Three – For Delivery

Five hours after clearing out the cats, the doorbell rang. I swiftly got on my feet, curious as to whom it was. It has been literally seven years since I've heard the doorbell go off, so it felt odd rushing to the door after so long.

Oddly enough, a pizza man roughly twenty-years-old stood on the other side. I took him in for a minute, thrown off to seeing a mortal reach the Nome's front door, which happens to be on the roof of the abandoned warehouse that is its foundation. "I'm so glad this wasn't a prank." He started quickly. "Here are your twenty pizzas, ten breadsticks, and twelve two-liters."

That's when I took in the many boxes stacked around him, and six double bagged plastic bags containing two Pepsis each. "Uh, do you know where you are?" I asked now.

"To be honest Sir, I'm standing on the roof of a warehouse. And you just opened an invisible door." His eyes spoke of honesty.

Worried about our cover being blown to the mortal world, I quickly searched for any ideas to stop it here. "Wow, this is why your mother told you not to take those mushrooms, remember?"

He smirked in reply. "I guess we have the same problem then. You paying cash or check?"

"Cash." I quickly grabbed my wallet from my trench's right inside pocket. "How much?"

"$234.17," he replied as if he had it memorized.

"Wow, you guys are expensive." I pulled out a three hundred.

"Well, you are our record buyer." He replied quickly as he took the cash I handed him.

"Keep the change, and don't speak another word about this." I ordered.

He smirked in reply. "Okay, weirdo." He walked down the metal stairs apparently left up for anyone to walk up if they felt like it.

I opened the door, carrying only five pizzas in my left hand and two bags in my right. Then promptly slammed them on the coffee table in the Great Room to earn the initiates' attention. "They ripped us off!" Julian complained now.

"Did they?" I scorned. "There's still fifteen pizzas, ten breadsticks, and four bags of pop sitting at the front door of the Nome. Oh, and someone left the stairs up. And I opened the door and ended up paying and covering our asses-"

Once I listed what was still on the porch, everyone had gotten up to grab it before it could get cold, otherwise ignoring my rant. Then proceeded to enter the veranda with said items, including what I put on the coffee table. I was now reaching a boiling point, first Bast with her catnip, and now the initiates ordering pizza.

I entered the veranda, set intention on gaining their utmost attention no matter what. Once they placed everything on the dining table (the lion broke my buffet table and I had yet to fix it since) I snapped my fingers. That paused them as I spoke my favorite divine word. "A-max!"

Well, I suppose my anger was a tad extreme for instead of just setting the pizza on fire, I set the entire dining table into ablaze. I stood in alarm to having to fix another table thanks to the events of today. The initiates groaned to the loss of their dinner they had planned behind my back.

After a few seconds of taking in the fire I made, I cleared my throat. "Who left the stairs up?" I started first.

Alyssa guiltily raised her right hand. "And ordered the pizza?"

Julian frowned and hesitated to raise his hand as well. Before I could speak again, Bast entered with a rather large grin. "Well, looks like I win. Who wants grilled cheese?"

"Does anyone here care about how much I have to clean up today?" I snapped. "Listen up, I have _rules_ people! Every Nome has rules, okay? And I'm the Nome _leader_, which means you listen or face punishment for doing otherwise. That _includes_ Gods/Goddesses."

"So, you're going to punish yourself for melting the dining table?" Sean smirked.

I scowled as everyone else laughed and left the veranda. Everyone with the exception of Walt, who seemed somewhat scared. "Uh, want some help fixing these tables?" He offered after a while.

I relaxed now, readying to answer him when I spotted Phillip suddenly gain life and climb out of the pool. Then proceeded to eat the burnt remains of the pizza order. "Thank you Phillip, you really are a good amount of help in the chaos ensuing here." I scorned, which he simply ignored and continued eating.

_Wait, there's chaos?_ Set suddenly spoke up.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the long wait, but I'll admit I was out of ideas. I'm going to change things up and put this in Carter's POV this time.**

**If any of you lovely readers have ideas that you would like to share, PM me. You will receive credit for it if I use it.**

-Carter Kane-

We caught ourselves in a rare moment. Brooklyn House's Great Room was at peace. No penguins in the fireplace, no rainbow dragons storming the Nome. Nope, just Zia and I watching television as Amos read the newspaper that he picked up from a stand just down the street.

But as luck has it, peace doesn't last long. Zia and I were discussing the difference between instant coffee and actual coffee. Now, none of us drink coffee in the first place, though I have sometimes considered the idea with how the Nome runs.

"Amos, you have more experience in this." I managed to grab my uncle's attention from the paper he attempted to drown our words out with.

"Uh, no. I wouldn't know the difference between instant and homemade coffee except for how it's made-"

"But you're always making coffee with just the wave of your hand!" I pointed out quickly.

Amos' eyes narrowed now. "Carter, I'm not going to have a discussion with you about the difference between 'magical coffee' and instant coffee. And why are you two arguing over it anyways?"

Zia blushed out of embarrassment. "Sorry, I'm still adjusting to American culture."

Before we could continue on, a burst of red smoke exploded just a foot away from the television. Amos immediately backwashed his coffee into his mug in response as the annoying God peered at us. "Uh, hi, Set…" I was the only one who managed to even form words.

"I figured I'd drop by, and what do you know? My three favorite people are sitting in the Great Room!" Set cheered to himself, promptly sitting in the chair across from Amos'.

"How did you even get in without permission?" Zia demanded.

Amos let out a nervous laugh, "That would be my bad."

I knew how he felt. Once I handed Horus permission, he drops by every so often and finds ways to be ultimately annoying. "Why are you here?" I figured I'd ask.

"Boredom," Set mused. "Hey, do you guys want to know why you're my favorite?"

"Spare us this conversation!" Amos immediately complained as he still failed to focus on the typed lettering on the issue.

"Um, because we have an equal opportunity to defeat you if we wanted to?" I offered.

Set grinned to the thought, "Close, but no. How read are you into the Demon Days _exactly_?"

A wave of dread was washing over Zia and I, and I could see Amos' fingers wanting to tear apart the paper he was hiding behind. "I'd say we know enough," I grimaced at my choice of words, catching that Set was wanting that answer in the first place.

Oh yes, that grin managed to get bigger. "You know that Nephthys was my wife. That's why I like you Zia. I know we were on shaky ground, though that was your shabti-look-alike, but you are rather youthful."

My eyes narrowed now. "Set, are you hitting on my girlfriend?" I struggled to contain my anger as Zia blushed to the thought.

"Well, thank you for the thought, Set. However, you should stop considering me your wife's host. You know just as well as the rest of us I am the Eye of Ra now." Zia managed to accept his compliment better than I.

And Set turned to me now. "Why are you jealous Carter? I happen to be rather attracted to Horus as well."

"What!" I immediately stood up, ready to pull my kopesh out.

"So you _didn't_ read about that. What a shame… Anyways, I'll admit you're even cuter than Zia-"

The newspaper was suddenly balled up and thrown at the Red Lord, stopping him as he took in his Eye fuming. "Set, you pedophile! Get out of here before I decide to kill you myself!" Uncle Amos' voice boomed.

Set just gave him an evil smile in response. "Now, here's something no one knows yet." He continued despite the Chief Lector's threat. "Amos, you recall your little blackout sessions?"

Amos tensed suddenly. "No…" He breathed out.

"Did you two know that the Chief Lector has an _amazingly_ hot body?" Set continued on.

My eyes widened as Amos now approached Set, eyes threatening to tear the God apart with just his hands. "It didn't happen."

"You're right, it didn't."

Silence in the room for a second. "But you just implied-" Zia continued.

"I just wanted to annoy him. That's why I'm here," Set brushed off, ignoring the death glare Amos was giving him. "Though, if you think about it, I could have if I wanted to-"

"Fine, you win!" Amos snapped. "You're worse than Julius, alright? Now get the hell out of here!"

More awkward silence between the four of us. "Um, hold on… Was this some sort of bet?" I finally brought myself to ask.

"Nope," Set replied without hesitation. "I said I was bored."

"For the last time, get out before you get any ideas!" Amos demanded again, obviously disturbed the longer the God lingered.

"Ideas?" Set gave him a blank look that meant to speak of innocence. "You mean, like how cute Carter would look in a skirt?"

"For the love of Horus!" I snapped in protest.

"Yes, I suppose it is," came Set's reply.

All three of us visibly paled as Set laughed. "Oh, this is just too easy." He smirked towards his Eye, who was now muttering choice words in Egyptian.

The next thing I knew, Set stood up, whispering something into Amos' ear. That quickly stopped his mumbling as he eyes widened in shock. "Oh Gods, get out!" Amos immediately pushed the God away from him, disturbed by whatever he had said. "I'm not joking, that isn't happening. Never, got it?"

"Alright, Chocolate Bear, I'll just visit you later tonight." Set grinned evilly as he faded away.

"Chocolate Bear?" My right eyebrow rose towards my uncle as he scowled.

He didn't even answer my question, instead he chugged the rest of his coffee and refilled it. Zia and I dropped it, deciding it probably shouldn't even be mentioned again. Uncle Amos chugged the new cup down as well, refilling again. "Um, don't you think that's a bit excessive?" I asked.

"Not if you plan on never falling asleep in the near future." Amos grumbled, chugging the new cup down again.

"Hey guys!" Sadie rushed in, excitement written in her expression.

"Uh, hi Sadie," I managed to greet back as Zia waved a little.

"You will not believe what Jaz _just_ told me!" Sadie continued, a mischievous grin to whatever news it is. "She just confessed that she thinks Set is hot."

"Oh, to hell with it!" Amos stood up, leaving the Great Room.

All three of us watched him storm off, leaving his empty mug on the coffee table. "What was that about?" Sadie finally asked after a moment of silence.

Zia cleared her throat, "Set's a pedophile."


End file.
